[braden collum]

#sinner

2011-12-25T00:58:00.007-06:00

Christmas Eve.

As I was checking my typically dry
social media outlets, I noticed that one
of my friends posted a tweet on Twitter,
followed by the hashtag of #sinner

It was a playful post of course.
Humorously calling someone a sinner
For a funny thing they had done.

But curiosity struck me.
I wonder what other people are saying on
Twitter about being a #sinner

And so I started to search all
posts that were hashtagged #sinner

Working at church and living in Texas,
my brain was inclined to anticipate tweets
about repentance. About regrets.
Or maybe even about humor.

In fact, I did see a silly one or two:

@_____ Gasp! You said butt. #sinner

And a handful of serious ones:

Honestly God has been faithful to me
but I've not been fair to him on my own part.
#sinner

I am a worshipper who doesn't worship
the only One who is worthy to be worshipped.
#needmercy #sinner #justifiedbygrace #WhiteAsSnow

**I'm so glad that God still hears a
#sinner'sprayer

But as I scrolled through the feed
of the past 24 hours worth of tweets
on Christmas Eve, my heart broke.
_________________________________

Thinking about getting a good
Christmas buzz going. Thank god we
don't go to church tomorrow morning.
#badcatholic #whocares #sinner

@_____ just don't burst into flames
upon entry into church...#sinner

Walked into church and it didn't
burst into flames #shocking #sinner

Well looks like I will be going into
midnight mass drunk :) #sinner

I wish it were politically acceptable
to go to church drunk..#sinner

It's official. I'm going to hell. I'm
pregaming for church. #fail #sinner

Drinking before church?.. I think so!
#sinner

Off to hell...er, I mean church.
#sinner

Church for the first time in forever..
Surprised I didn't burst into flames
#sinner

@______ hopefully you guys don't
burst into flames walking through the
church doors.. #sinner

I plan to be smashed by 8 tonight..
Midnight mass should be interesting
#sinner

First time I've been to church since Easter.
Surprised I didn't burst into flames when
I walked in the door #sinner

Bout to smoke a bowl so going to church
will be bearable #sinner

At church. Surprised I haven't started
on fire yet. #sinner

I go to church twice a year. Easter
and Christmas. And I dread it
everytime #sinner

Can't complain, I only go to church
once a year. #christmaseve I think
dear lord hates me still. #sinner

Thinking about going to church today
for the first time in years.
I hope it doesn't burn down. #sinner

Can't wait to sit in church...hungover.
#sinner

Guys, believe it or not I'm going to
church. I hope G-O-D don't strike
me down w/ thunderbolt #sinner

@______ I'm not cut out for church!
I don't even know if god will let me in
#sinner

Goin church, fingers crossed I don't
burst into a ball of flames
#anxiouss #sinner

@_______ been a year for me!
Only time I go is on Christmas eve
hahahaha #sinner

@_______ I can't believe my wife is
dragging me to church. How's the saying go?
#Sweating #Sinner #Church

Sometimes I don't care that I'm
going to hell cause that means
I don't have to be good anymore
#sinner

About to go to church :) I feel like
I always go to church right before
I know I'm about to sin #sinner

Yalls holiness makes me feel
uncomfortable. #sinner
_________________
(read that last one again.)

And there were many, many more.
But I couldn't even include some because
of their word content.
_________________

My heart broke,
Most of the tweets were about: Church.
A place where I spend countless hours a week at.

What are Christians doing to make
people think they're worthy of
"bursting into flames" when they walk
through the doors of a church?

Somwhere we've missed it.

There were 3 tweets of true recognition of sins.
A handful of tweets aiming to be funny.

But the rest were filled with brokeness.
Sarcasm against sin.
Sarcasm against the Church.
Anger against the Church.

And these aren't broken people
who aren't familiar with the vocabulary
of the saints. They know #sinning

And so the question isn't,
"What happens if these people come to my church?"

Instead,
"What happens when they come to my church?"

I don't want them to believe the church is a joke.
I don't want them to believe the church is a sect.
I want them to be welcomed.
To be safe.

Evidently,
Christians have made church
out to be a building for the holy.

Evidently,
We have made a tragic mistake.
______________

To the sinner:
You are relentlessly loved by a Father in heaven
who pursues you while you are yet a sinner.

To the saint:
What happens when the drunkard, the high,
the gay, the lesbian, the prostitute,
the rebel, the hateful, the athiest,
the sinful walk through your doors?

Change is needed.

The Church is not a warehouse of the righteous,
but a hospital for the #sinner

- of whom I am the worst.

Braden

[my beloved]

2010-09-17T02:17:00.009-05:00

I received a writing assignment in class.
The question was simple.

Who is God?

The very thought of putting a definition
upon the Creator of all things
stirs a sense of uneasiness inside of me.

My mere words could never suffice.

If He was simple enough to describe in just a few paragraphs,
If He could be defined in just a few short lines,
then He couldn’t be a god worth serving.

However, there must be a beginning somewhere.

Genesis shows him as the Creator.

Revelation cites him as the Alpha and Omega,
the Beginning and the End.

In Exodus, God reveals himself as a jealous God.

He is the ultimate authority over good and evil.
He is a blameless God with perfect judgment.

He is the Trinity – the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit
who covers the universe with His glory.

He is uncontainable.
He is the I Am.

But who is God to mankind?
To me?

He is a God who inflicts righteous judgment
to a judging nation.

He is a God that condemns me in my boastfulness.

He is the giver of righteous wrath.

He is the deliverer of death.

He is the provider of life.

He is the omnipresent comforter
when a family member passes away.

He is a God who is jealous
for the affection of His people.

He is the hope, once in the form of flesh,
that I have in the forgiveness of my sins,
to be washed white as snow by the blood of His Son.

He is the confidence in my timid heart
to spread the Gospel that is love,
to an unbelieving population.

He extends grace when I am wicked,
and anoints me when I am undeserving.

He provides strength when I am weak,
and rest when I am weary.

He is the sum of everything
more beautiful than words can describe.

Indeed, the irony is that
God is indescribable.

So who are You God?

You're my beloved.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Always -Switchfoot-

[more than conquerors]

2010-05-25T03:25:00.003-05:00

Have you ever been in the place,
That empty chasm,
Where self-hate seems to conquer?

Where you deem yourself
Not good enough.

Never good enough
For God?

Never quite that Christian
Everyone expects in you.

Not enough.

Me too.
Every.Single.Day.

And then I open up my Bible.
Wipe the dust off the long forgotten pages.

And I find myself in Romans 8.

“Who shall separate us
from the love of Christ?

Shall trouble, or hardship,
or persecution, or famine,
or nakedness, or danger,
or sword?”

The world looms over me.
Looms around me.
Dominate in my every move.
And I’m left admitting defeat to this place.
With no hope.
Separated from You.

But no.
This world won’t declare victory.

“No, in all these things
We are more than conquerors.”

No matter what I’ve done,
Nothing can separate Love.

The peculiar thing about Grace,
Is that it’s just as it is.
A gift that I don’t deserve.

Love.
Amazing.
Grace.

As I read over the
Past few blogs I’ve recorded.

I notice something.

Depression.
Sadness.
Sorrow.

And as I relive these feelings,
I realize,

Every single thing I felt,

Every thing I feel,
Stemmed from a feeling,
That I’ve been alone.

Isolation is the seed
Of Depression.

But we’re not alone.

We’ve never been alone.

You didn’t forsake me.
I’m the one who ran.

Ran to empty hopes.
Shattered promises.
False community.
Broken wells.

But You’ve been my shadow all along.
Gracefully picking up the pieces
I’ve left behind.

Pieces of me
I though had long since disappeared.
But You held them in Your hands.

You held me.

You hold me now.

___________________________________________

So what now?

What’s the next move?

Rejoication.

Yea.
I made that word up.
So what?

The process and state of rejoicing.

Because God’s here.

And what can separate Love?

“Neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers,
neither height nor depth

Nor anything else in all creation
Will be able to separate us
From the love of God

That is Christ Jesus our Lord.”
[romans8.38&39]

Nothing can separate.
Because no matter what,

We are more than conquerors.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Healing in Your Hands -PassionWorshipBand-

[remade]

2010-05-21T22:51:00.010-05:00

Let's start over.

Remember that one time?
That one particular moment?
Yea, forget it.
It doesn't matter anymore.

Come to me.

Let's start over.

Remember last night?
That one particular choice?
Yea, forget it.
It doesn't matter now.

Come to me,
all who are weary and burdened.

Let's start over.

Remember 5 minutes ago?
Remember who you were?
Yea, forget it.
It doesn't matter.

Come to me,
all who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.

You are more than the choices you've made.
You are more than the sum of your mistakes.
You are more than the problems you create.

You are more.

Come to me
All who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.

So let's start over.

Remember a moment ago?
Remember who you are?
Forget it.

You've been remade.

We've been remade.

[braden]

currently listening to:

You are More-TenthAvenueNorth-

[standing still]

2010-05-16T03:07:00.004-05:00

It's been a while.

I'm not sure why.

Laziness?

Avoidance?

Probably both.

Every time I log on to this thing,

I feel like I need to conjure up

a huge, poetic, deep sentiment about my day.

And truth is,

nothing spontaneous,

or life changing,

or eye-opening

has really happened.

And truth is,

I haven't really been striving for

anything spontaneous,

or life changing,

or eye-opening.

So let's go back to the basics.

I've pretty much been on cruise control.

And I'm alright.

I'm alright.

But I'm not alright.

One word to describe this life,

stale.

Stale and unmotivated.

Sure, life's going right along,

and nothing's completely destroying me.

But this lukewarm life

might as well be ice cold.

But something's happening.

A little tug inside.

Just a tiny nudge.

Saying "This way."

But it gets easily drowned out.

There's too much noise here.

Too much now.

So right now,

I'm just standing still.

Saying everything's ok.

But dude...let's get real.

We got problems.

I've got problems.

And since when did we

start acting like we're perfect?

When did we decide that

Christianity has to be filled

with "perfect people?"

Cuz that's all I see.

That's all I am.

Because lookey here!

I'm a Christian and

I've got zero problems!

Life is just absolutely fantastic!

And I've got it all together!

Oh wait..

Yes I do...

No it's not..

And no I don't..

I think it's time to change.

But no.

Because right now,

I'm standing still.

Saying everything's ok.

[braden]

currently listening to:

Strong Enough to Save -Tenth Avenue North-

[The Silent Siege]

2010-03-05T01:46:00.006-06:00

First off, let me stress that I know that people rightly have their own opinions.
Especially when it comes to the touchy subject such as Abortion.

But here is mine:

________________

Don't get me wrong.
I'm a firm believer in the sanctity of a human life,
but when I read about the "Silent Siege" movement,
It got me thinking...

Is silence what's really needed?
Is an hour-long visual stimulant really doing the job?
Sure, we get the message,
"Red tape to signify the silent cries of the unborn and of those with no voices."

But let's be honest.
In the most fragile time in a woman's life,
Is creating a human wall of silent protest
the best we can do?

Do these women need a barrel of injustice
pointed directly at their temple as
they walk into the 4 walls that change their life?
Do they need a wall of people
staring silently with hushed prayers?

Do not get me wrong,
I know prayer is a POWERFUL thing!
And faith in stepping out against such an injustice
is an abundantly beautiful thing!

But where did we miss it?

"Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

Silence isn't what we need.
We need action.

Don't lose your voice for those never heard.
Let words of friendship, compassion, and love
come flowing out as a spring.

Don't let your prayers be silenced.
Pray them into the hearts of these broken women.
Hold them. Embrace them. Love them.

Don't stare in silence from a distance at these women.
Entwine your hearts with theirs.
Show them the passion and love God has
for them and their child.

An actual friendship will scream louder
than any thousands of protestors could.

Don't be silent.
Act.

And in the words of Switchfoot:

"There is no sound,
louder than LOVE."

currently listening to:
The Sound -Switchfoot-

[the plank]

2009-10-05T23:55:00.003-05:00

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust

in your brother's eye and pay no attention

to the plank in your own eye?

How can you say to to your brother,

'Let me take the speck out of your eye,'

when all the time there is a plank

in your own eye?

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of

your own eye, and then you will see

clearly to remove the speck from your

brother's eye."

[matthew 7.3-5]

It's been a while.

And I have been asked why my blogs have

not been kept to date.

That is why.

No cute words.

No fancy metaphors.

No trying to inspire people with pretty illustrations.

No acting like I'm deeply involved with my Creator right now.

Because I'm not.

And I'm not going to fake it.

"How can you say to your brother,

'Let me take the speck of of your eye,'

when all the time,

there is a plank in your own eye?"

I'm working on my plank.

I'm working on me.

Because I'm not alright.

And I'm not going to fake it.

[braden]

currently listening to:
[selah]

[Your love]

2009-08-31T00:46:00.001-05:00

Today,
I searched,
thought,
and begged for inspiration.

Something to stir inside me.

And it never came.

It hasn't come for a few days.
That inspiration and desire has died down,
in ways that I always fear of happening.

That point where I'm just like..

I give up.
Nothings working.
I'm not feeling anything.

It's just not worth it today.

People have been anything but encouraging to me.
Everyone seems to be passing me by.
I seem to be passing them by.

Care seems to disappear.

There's been people who have brought me down.
Close people.

And I realize this.

Words are more powerful than people think.

But today,
right when I decided to give up.

When I came to this point of absolute
discouragement.

When I felt like just laying this away for later.
Laying any desire of caring to the side,
and living for myself,
make me happy.

Right as I breached the threshold
of casting Him away.

God reached me.

Just in time.

Your Love Never Fails

I was listening to music as
I passed time doing homework.

And a song comes on...

And unlike my reactions
to the songs that came on before it..

I looked up from the pages of my book,
and gazed upon the computer screen,
as if it were telling me a story.

When I am dry and thirsty Lord,
And I'm crying out for more,
I know I can trust in your love.
In the darkness in the night
When I'm starving for the light,
I know I can trust in Your love.

I think it's a special thing.

God connects to me through the thing
which I admire most in this world.

Music.
Lyrics.
Passion.

And it always seems to strike
the exact cord in my soul,
that needs to be awakened.

When I'm dry and thirsty Lord,
You bring me to water,
and fill me with Your spirit.

And I'm so empty.
So dry.
So thirsty.

Darkness consumes every step I take.
Temptation lumes all around me.
A judgemental being inside me bursts out.

Evil.
Hatred.
Impurity.

All consume me.

I am an incredibly selfish person.
You are an incredibly forgiving God.

And these things have held true,
when I have not.

I sin.
You forgive.
I fall.
You pick me up. Always.
I stray.
You bring me back.
I hate.
You love.

Your Love is Everything.

You keep no records of my sin,
You don't remember all my shame.

My everything.
You are.

"Come to me, all you who are weary
and burdened, and I will give you rest."

I need rest.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Your Love is Everything -JesusCultureBand-

[psalm 64]

2009-08-26T23:40:00.004-05:00

Today,
as I wandered over the sidewalks,
as I forced my feet in front of each other,
as I trudged myself to another class,
my mind delved into my soul.

And as I scoped out the inner being of myself,
I realized that, through however long it has been
since I last pursued my God,
through the vast days I left him out of sight,
out of mind,

I had grown empty.

Thirsty.
Unsatisfied.

And tonight,
as I sat down to write,
I flip to Psalms.

And beg for encouraging words.
Something to fill me up.

And I find exactly what my heart has been screaming.

Hear me, O God, as I voice my
complaint;
protect my life from the threat
of the enemy.
Hide me from the consipiracy of
the wicked,
from the noisy crowd of
evildoers.

Shield me from a crushing world
that consumes me with
everything unholy.

Cover me.

They sharpen their tongues like
swords,
and aim their words like
deadly arrows.
They shoot from ambush at the
innocent man;
they shoot at him suddenly,
without fear.

I need You.
I am nothing against this world.

Hide me in Your shadows.

And I sit here.
Begging for protection.
For God to rescue me.

But it has already come.

God will shoot them with
arrows;
suddenly they will be struck
down.
He will turn their own tongues
against them
and bring them ruin;

All mankind will fear;
they will proclaim the works
of God
and ponder what He has done.

Let the righteous rejoice in the
Lord
and take refuge in Him;
Let all the upright in heart
praise Him!

I have nothing to fear.
My God has already protected my heart,
He has been here all along.

To turn hatred
to rejoicing.
Cursing,
to praising.

He shields my soul in His shadows.
Protects my being in His hands.

And I thank You God,
for everything You have done.

For everything You are.

[braden]

currently listening to:
You Belong to Me -GreyHoliday-

[being legit]

2009-08-25T23:53:00.005-05:00

Wow...
Almost a month since my last post.
I've been so busy.
So incredibly busy.

But I think now that my schedual is slowing down
and beginning to resume to a normal pace
I think it's time to start this up again.

And I'm ready!

Today,
as I was walking between classes,
a faint whisper crossed my thoughts.

A whisper that woke up a part of me that I haven't thought about
in quite some time.

When am I going to be the center again?

I've taken a break from my God for way too long.

Through a trip to Israel, which my time was consumed
by seeing historical sites, and playing baseball with kids,
and losing 10 lbs. of sweat while walking around every day.

And between that and starting my first week of college.

I put God in the backseat.
To the side.
As if my life can somehow survive without Him.

I've missed my personal time with my God.
The closeness I once felt when I spent each night
reading, worshiping, growing closer, building a relationship,
and engaging with Him.
Oh how I've missed it.

And I realize how hard this is going to be.
Being in this whole new world of being on my own,
and at the same time, continuing my relationship with God.

I figured it would just somehow pull itself together like some sort of miracle.
Without a problem.
Without a hitch.
Without an effort.

How wrong I was.

For me,
I have this problem,
and I have probably said this before,
of conforming.

To everything.
Everyone.
Every idea.
Every action.

To people's idea of me.

I conform.

And this idea,
or I guess.."saying"
keeps popping into my head.

"You wanna be legit Braden?
Well then you gotta do this and this and this..
to be popular,
to be accepted,
to be cool,
to have the full "college experience."

Sex HAS to be a part of everyday conversation.
Cussing HAS to spew from my lips.
I HAVE to get crazy drunk and go to parties.

And people,
this is just 2 days into this college thing.

I guess I just thought I'd be protected by some
"spiritual bubble" since I'm going to a Christian school.
Like for some reason, HSU was going to single handedly
grow me closer to Christ.

But by the things I've seen and heard around campus,
that "spiritual bubble" and closeness with God,
is only to be found in
my own pursuit of Him.

And so I struggle with myself.

I don't want people to laught at me.

To mock me if I mention I follow Jesus.

To make fun of me because I won't conform
to the actions of my classmates.

I don't want to be insulted.

But you wanna know something pretty stinking incredible?

I open my bible tonight to actually read,
for the first time in who knows how long.

And I'm reading in Matthew.

And my eyes wander to words written in red.

"Blessed are you when people insult you,
persecute you and falsly say all kinds of
evil against you because of me.

Rejoice and be glad, because
great is your reward in heaven..."

And so what can I do,
but smile.

My God is completely faithful to me,
even when I'm not.

He's there to comfort me.
To show me that the world is not my own.
To hold me close when I get mocked,
talked bad about,
pressured.

You hold me now.

And so this question now comes to mind.

You wanna be legit Braden?

Try staying strong and shining your faith,
even when no one else's can be found.

If you do not stand firm in your faith,
you will not stand at all.
Isaiah 7:9

That's legit.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Tear Down the Walls -HillsongUnited-

[my world]

2009-07-30T01:30:00.003-05:00

Today,
I finally had the chance
to get on the internet again.

(still none at the house..
which is the reason for the
lack of updates)

Tomorrow morning,
I leave the state,
the country,
to go on a journey to Israel
for two weeks.

A journey, by only God's grace,
have I been able to be a part of.

But here I am.

And I have no idea how I got here.
For who I am,
For who I've been,

I don't deserve it.

I don't deserve the opportunity
to travel halfway around the world
to share God's word with people
I would have never thought about meeting.

But for some reason,
He called me to do this.

And I am so ready.

When I began this process of preperation
a few months ago.
I talked to a friend of mine,
and she told me,

"Braden, this isn't a vacation.
This is going to rock your world."

And that is exactly what I need.
I need something that turns
my everything inside out,
and upside down.

And it's funny,
I've said this before,

But I can absolutely feel
that Satan is working
against everything.

Lately, my attitude
toward all this has been:

"Eh..yea I'm going to Israel...
ugh but that 30 hour plane ride is
NOT going to be fun..."

And now that I look back at it..
I can't believe how much I missed the point.

I am going to Israel.

And yet I'm complaining
about a plane ride?

Once again, my selfish soul
lashes against God's desire.

And Satan prevails.

But now as I look at it,
I can smile.

If the devil is tryin this hard
to distract me,

Something incredible
is about to come.

I don't know how,
and I don't know why,
but God chose me to go on this trip.

But my world?

I'm thinking it's
gonna get rocked.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Your Love Never Fails -JesusCultureBand-

[the rarity]

2009-07-25T00:53:00.000-05:00

Today,
I went to go see a movie.

The Ugly Truth.

And as I sat in the theatre,
watching this film,
promote self-indulgence,
lust,
and sex,
I thought..

This is absolutely rediculous.

And I stared at the screen,
shaking my head.

How far we've come...
How far we've fallen.

You know,
and I could sit here,
type out a bazillion
Bible verses that speak out
against sexual immorality.

But it's not about that.

It's about wondering where
the people are to stand up against this?

Where are the people who will say,
"You know..this isn't right..and I'm not
going to act like it is."

Where are the people who stand up
for God's word?

Even me.

It's incredibly easy for me to sit behind
a computer, and type these things..
as if I'm actually doing anything about it.

But I'm not.

I sat there.
I laughed.
I conformed.
I accepted the world's view of how
life is supposed to be lived.

And what gets to me is that,
it's not about watching movies that are "bad"
and saying "Oh that's horrible."

It's about me actually LIVING God's word.

It's about a reality check for me..
"What am I doing about it?"

"How long until I stand up?"

And I sit here, and it hits me.

Being able to spit out verse after verse
against the sin of the world
is incredible..

But actually living a life against sin?

Oh how I wish my stubborn soul would.

Oh what a rarity.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Saved By Grace -Shane&Shane-

[delight]

2009-07-24T22:56:00.004-05:00

Well,
for the past two days,
I haven't had internet at my house.

So my blogs kinda took a back seat.
But I decided that I would write this on
Word Pad tonight.
And somehow get it online.

I missed this.
______________________

Anyways,
tonight,
I stopped what I was doing.
I put down the guitar.
Put down the phone.
Turned off the lights.
Put on some music.

And opened my Bible.

I flipped around.
Back and forth.
New to Old.
Old to New.
And back again.

And I land in Psalms.

And in a scribbled underlined passage.
I find a verse that lifted me.
That brought encouragement.

Brought hope.

"If the Lord delights in a man's
way,
He makes his steps firm,
though he stumble, he will not
fall,
for the Lord upholds him
with His hand."

And I thought..

there's no way the Lord delights in me.
I'm nothing.
I'm Braden Collum.
The guy who sins every day.
Who goes against what God wants him to do.

The hypocrite.

And as I read that first part..

"If the Lord delights in a man's way..."

I wondered..

Does the Lord delight in me?
Am I trying hard enough to earn that?
Do I even deserve that?

And I realize,
that is the security I've been longing for.
That relationship is what my soul has thirsted for.
To be delighted by my God,
so that He may uphold my every step.

And though I may stumble,
stray,
wander,
and show my hypocratic being.

He would still be there for me
through it all.

More than anything,
I want to be my God's delight.

[braden]

currently listening to:
In Your Freedom -Hillsong-

[how He loves]

2009-07-21T22:34:00.003-05:00

Today,
I had absolutely nothing to do today.
I sat in front of my computer.
And listened to music.

And a song came on.
How He Loves

And immediately,
everything stopped around me.
I closed my eyes,
and sang the words.

And as words formed from my lips,
and as my tounge danced behind them.

Images came of what an
ungratefull being I am.
Thoughts poured of how
undeserving I am of everything God brings.
Memories rained down on me,
of how I abandon my Savior every day.

But the song says it so incredibly perfect.
No matter what

He Loves Us.

Through it all,
He loves us.

And there's this one line,
that is just truly awesome.
And as I listened to it,
a wall that I have had built up,
crumbled.

And I don't have time
to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way
He loves us.

Wow.

Why have I been dwelling on the past?
Why have I been counting my wrongs?
Why have I been marking my wrong turns?

Who cares!
I don't have time for that anymore..

I'm looking up.
Looking ahead.

Looking at God.

And every once in a while,
God will speak to me..
in quote form..
yea..it's weird.

But it's so inspiring.

As I sat infront of my
flickering computer screen.

I hear this:

So you're enjoying life huh?
Well..just imagine if you
actually lived for me.

Sometimes it's spooky to know
how well and how deep God's words
penetrate my soul.

He's so perfect.
I'm so broken.

If grace is an ocean,
we're all sinking.

But oh,
How He loves us so.

[braden]

currently listening to:
How He Loves -EddieKirkland-

[rescue me]

2009-07-20T23:10:00.007-05:00

Today,
as I sat down to write this,
I thought about today.

And as I thought..
I realized that
I didn't give God much time today.

Pretty much all day,
I spent on me.
My agenda.
My plans for the week.
My self.

Here I am,
trying to put all that I am into God.
And yet I get side-tracked so easily.

And I don't even realize it until
I sit here, and just now think about
my relationship with Him.

Wow, it's scary when you realize..
that the devil is incredibly good at what he does.

And it's been just a day of me being unfocused.

How could I ever think I could do this alone??
How could I remain pure without God in my heart,
every second of every day??

I couldn't.

And so I need You Jesus,
To focus me.
To heal me.
To protect me.

To rescue me.

I can't,
and never could
do this on my own.

Satan comes only to
Kill, Steal, and Destroy.
And he's so good at what he does.

But what's even more incredible,
is that our God is even better at what He does.

I need You.
I'm desperate.
Come.

I can't do this alone.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Rescue -DesperationBand-

[for this storm]

2009-07-19T23:36:00.004-05:00

Today,
as I sat in church,
I read the first part of Job.

And wow,
what a powerful book.

Job had everything.
Land.
Livestock.
Money.
A great family.
An incredible faith in God.

And one day,
Satan shows up in front of God,
and Satan challenges God and says
that Job's faith is only built up on
material things he has been given.

And that once they are stripped away,
his faith will disappear along with them.

And so the Lord says,
"Very well, then, everything he has
is in your hands.."

And so Satan stripped everything from Job.
Land.
Livestock.
His family.
His fortune.

But he falls down in worship
and says that God had given him all these precious things.
And He still has the right to take them back.

His faith remained.

And so Satan challenges the Lord again,
saying that if his body were harmed,
he would surely give all he has for his own life.
And will curse You to Your face.

And so the Lord, once again,
let's Satan strike at Job.
This time the body.

And so Satan afflicted Job with sores
from the bottom of his feet,
to the top of his head.

And his wife begs him to let go of his integrity,
and curse God and die.

And his reply.
Was beautiful.

"Shall we accept good from God,
and yet not trouble?"

And I thought,
Wow, that is incredible.

And it was scary,
because that fits my life at this very moment.

When God does good things in my life,
I praise Him.
I glorify.
I'm joyous.

But when things don't happen to be going the way I want them.
When my life becomes inconvenienced.
When things I love, disappear.

I find it so easy to curse my God.
Oppose Him.
Say, "How could you!?"

And I realize..
that most of my christianity and faith.

Is built on MY convenience.

Not God's rightful justice
and sovereign power over me.

And as I think about it..
I realize just how selfish my relationship
with my God is.

I've heard this in a song somewhere..
"I will praise you in this storm.."

but wow..
how many of us can say,

"I will praise you FOR this storm."

[braden]

currently listening to:
We Need Each Other -SanctusReal-

[everything works]

2009-07-18T00:57:00.001-05:00

You know,
there's one thing that God does,
that blows my mind.

No matter where I am,
no matter how stubborn my soul is,
not matter how unfaithful I am.

God is still for me.

And we know that in
all things
God works for the good of those
who love Him
Romans 8.28

And that never ceases to amaze me.

No matter how bad I think things are..
It's all in God's plan.

You make all things work together for my good.

And I thank You so much.

What makes me so deserving?
I'm still nothing without You.

In You,
Everything works.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Wonder of It All -MondayMorning-

[in You]

2009-07-17T23:08:00.004-05:00

I just now got off my floor.
Face down.
On which I spent quiet time with my God.

I asked Him for peace all around me.
For the stress to vanquish.
For hope to persevere.

He showed me.
He let me know He's here for me.
He led me to read,
exactly what I needed to.

Keep me safe, O God,
for in You I take refuge.
Psalm 16.1

When the world pushes down on me.
When everything darkens around me.
When storms build up against me.
When the hope of nothing,
seems to be my only option.

In You I take refuge.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Signature of the Divine (Yahweh) -NEEDTOBREATHE-

[hold on]

2009-07-16T22:46:00.005-05:00

Today,
I realized how faithful God is.

These last couple of weeks,
have been so hard.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Spiritually.

The last thing I wanted to,
was think about God.

I had personal things to deal with first.
God can wait.

And I realized,
that with that state of mind.
My emotion troubles.
My physical state.
And my relationship with my God..

Suffered.

I thought I had it figured out.
I thought I could do it alone.

How incredibly wrong I was.
How incredibly faithful God was.

He stayed by me the whole time.
This whole time I rejected His help,
He stayed right behind me,
catching my every fall.

When I felt like I needed to let everything go,
God reached down and held on.

This could be about letting go.

Or this could be all about just
holding on.

And as I felt the weight of the world
consuming me.

He pulled me out.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Pull Me Out -BeboNorman-

[the need]

2009-07-15T23:24:00.003-05:00

Today,
I felt like God put on my heart
something that needed to be laid down.

You see,
I have this problem..
of well..
thinking I'm better than others.

And I didn't know I struggled with it.
Until something happened today.

I was driving along.
Minding my own business.
When I came to a stop light.
And I looked directly to my left,
and saw a homeless man.

Staring at me.
Watching me.
Testing me.

And as I saw him,
my mind thought,
"How pethetic."

I shook my head and thought
of some statistic that I heard one time.

"Homeless people always come to Abilene.
Cuz they know that's where people will give the most money.
And so they just use us to buy booze."

They beg.

I judge.

Yea..I'm so much better.

And as I stared ahead
so that I wouldn't make eye contact..
God whispered to me..

See a need.
Fill a need.

And I slowly rowed down the window..
dug in my wallet..
and filled a need.

Who am I to judge and assume
what he's going to use it for?

That doesn't matter.

What matters is that a fellow human being
needed something that I could freely give.

And God laid that on my heart today.

Who do you think you are judging people?

I'm nothing.

[braden]

currently listening to:
If We are the Body -CastingCrowns-

[healed]

2009-07-14T23:24:00.004-05:00

Today,
I think things are turning around.

Good things are happening.
I'm filled with an unspeakable joy.
My heart is rejoicing.

And I've waited so long for it.
Oh how long I've needed this.

Oh how long I've tried to force it.
Force my happiness with things that
robbed me of that very thing.

My heart has been shattered.
My flesh sinful.
My spirit broken.

I have been so wounded.

And I needed my God to come.
To rescue me.
To heal me.

And He came.

And I rejoice.

I have been wounded for so long.
But He came.

He healed.

[braden]

currently listening to:
King -Tree63-

[the answer]

2009-07-13T22:45:00.004-05:00

Today,
as I was driving home.
I did something I don't
ever recall doing.
Ever.

I simply thanked God for today.

I was stressed out.
Worrying.
Unfocused.

But I stopped.
I looked through my dirty windshield.
And I thanked God.

A beautiful thing happened.
My heart slowed down.
My mind stopped racing.
I smiled.

And right then,
I started singing a song
that I hadn't sung in a while..

And I have found the answer is to love You,
And be loved by You alone.

My happiness is found
is found in less of me.
And more of You.

How simple.
How perfect.

These past couple of days,
I've been searching for a happiness that I was missing.
And I found it.

The answer is to love You.

And the other day,
a friend of mine showed me a verse
that I desperately needed.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,
what you will eat, what you will wear. Life is more
than food, and the body more than clothes...

But seek His kingdom first,
and these things will be given to you.

Luke 12.22-23 & 31.

And as I read this verse.
And as I sang the song.

Something came to me that
I haven't felt in so long.

A real smile.

My happiness is found in
Less of me.

And more of you.

I found the answer.

[braden]

currently listening to:
The Answer -Shane&Shane-

[something]

2009-07-12T22:59:00.004-05:00

Today,
I felt completely weighted down.

I feel this untangible pressure,
pouring over me in ever direction.

Discouragement rushing all around.
I feel as if everyone's against me.
I'm weary.

I feel as if I'm on the brink of something.
But I've fallen short.
I haven't quite reached it.

Anxiety develops in me.
Hope disappears.
Exhaustion forms around me.
I'm weary.

Why am I searching for things,
as if God's not enough?

I'm broken.
You are strong.
I'm weary.
You give me rest.
I run away.

You wait.

God, I need clarity.
My mind is hectic.
Nothing is in order.
I need you.

I know I've fallen short of something.

But I feel something.

Whatever You're doing,
inside of me.
It feels like chaos,
but somehow there's peace.

And it's hard to surrender,
to what I can't see.

But I'm giving in to
something Heavenly.

I'm giving in to something.
My everything.

[braden]

currently listening to:
By Your Side -TenthAvenueNorth-

[live worthy]

2009-07-11T23:36:00.003-05:00

Today,
as I sat down to write this,
I decided to flip through the Bible,
and let God's word guide me.

I briefly flipped through the pages,
swiftly reading the headlines,
waiting,
watching for anything to catch my eyes.

And I saw this, underlined in the bottom left side of my Bible
in Ephesians 4.1:

This simple statement,

"...live a life worthy of the calling you have received."

is the single verse that changed my life.

And as I read it tonight.
It challenged me all over again.

It called me out..
who have I been?

Have I been living the life God wants me to?

And as I stared at those words,
emotions flooded my heart.
Knowing how much of a sad,
empty excuse I am without God.

Living worthy is what I want
more than anything in the world.

Oh how my heart longs for it.
How my soul fights for it.

But oh how my flesh denies it.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Sweetly Broken -JeremeyRiddle-

[the agenda]

2009-07-10T22:11:00.004-05:00

Today,
I got back from Camp Butman.

And things definitely didn't
go as I hoped.

However,
that's not a bad thing.

Going into the week,
I pretty much set an agenda
for what I wanted God to do for me.

____________________

1. Make friends
2. Have some awesome worship.
3. Get incredibly inspired.
4. Get that Camp High.
5. Go home changed.
____________________

And that's where I went wrong...

During the last night of worship,
it was intense.

People were jumping.
People were bowing down.
People were shouting.
People were crying.
People were hugging.
People were joyous.

Everyone felt changed.

I felt nothing.

And I was mad.

I was mad at God.
For not letting me feel that.
For not letting me cry.
For not letting me get that "camp high."
For not letting me get those silly goose bumps that I love.

For not letting me feel anything.

I was mad at God.

And as we all sat around the camp fire afterwards,
and as people told their testimonies.

I was burning on the inside.
My heart was shouting at my God.

How could You do this to me?
I needed You this week..

And as the testimonies grew to a close,
as the fire began to die,
as campers began to file back into their cabins,
my soul was left empty.
Alone.

One of my close friends saw me,
and asked me what was wrong.

And as I told of the things that
had been making me so angry that night.

She smiled and told me,
"Man, you have been doing some incredible
things Braden, in the name of God. And Satan is watching. And
frankly, it pisses him off."

My mind whirled back to a time
that I talked with another friend.

And as I set in his office, as I showed
confusion on what I was to do with my life..

He told me that sometimes,
God puts people in places to
to encourage other people
to be filled with God.
Not themselves.

And it came together.

God sent me here to encourage,
to minister, to lead,
to be a friend.

And watch these friends
grow in the name of God.

And what an encouragement it was to me.

And as I walked back to
my cabin for the final time.

I smiled.

I had pissed Satan off.

And I can't wait to do it again.

This whole week wasn't a loss.
It was anything but.

I had done exactly what I was supposed to.

I was following God's agenda.

[braden]

currently listening to:
The Way -Telecast-

[move]

2009-07-05T16:23:00.004-05:00

Today,
I leave to go lead worship
at Camp Butman for a week.

And my hearts ready.

It's ready to be blown away by God.

So much has happened this last week or so.
So much emotion.
So much pain.
And I don't think it's coincidence that
it has all escalated to this week.

So God,
I'm ready.
I'm ready to experience you.
To encounter you.
To fall in love.

I'm so ready.

Move in me in ways I've never felt.
In ways I've never seen.

That's all I ask..
That's all I need.

I beg for You to do the one thing I need..

Move.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Everything -TimHughes-

[how long]

2009-07-04T23:44:00.004-05:00

In times like these,
I wonder how long I can go.

With no connection.
No feeling.
Complete uncertainty.

How long?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Those questions burdened me today.
How long can I last feeling like this?
Why doesn't God step in and stop it all?

Where is my God?
Where are You?

But as I read towards the end of Psalm 13,
As my selfish being strikes out against my God.
I'm brought to my knees again.

But I trust in Your unfailing love,
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,

For He has been good to me.

I'll wait for you oh God.
I'll wait for you to straighten my life out.
My stubborn soul will be so impatient..
But I'll wait.

For You have been so good to me.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Peace Be Still -RushofFools-

[bad days better]

2009-07-03T23:23:00.000-05:00

Today has been
a pretty rough day.

Things haven't been going as planned.
I was an emotional wreck tonight..

Things just aren't going good.

And as I was thinking about all this..
Why this was happening to me?
What was I doing wrong?

And I just started to get frustrated..

And so I frantically started flipping
through the pages in my Bible.
Looking for something encouraging..
Something that would make all this
make sense..

Something to bring comfort.

I found:

"Come to me, all you who
are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you
and learn from me, for I
am gentle and humble in
heart, and you will find rest
for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my
burden is light."

-Matthew 11.28-30

You have always made my day,
even in stormy weather.

And You continue to amaze me.

You make bad days better.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Bad Days Better -Shane&Shane-

[take all of me]

2009-07-02T23:36:00.004-05:00

Today,
I want to keep things short.

I was listening to Hillsong United tonight..
and there was a song that came on..

And it stopped me dead in my tracks.

It put into words
exactly what my heart is crying..

I love You.
All of my hope is in You.
Jesus Christ,
Take my life.
Take all of me.

Take all of me.

That is the one thing I desire so much.
To have God take a hold of every inch of me.
Of who I am.
Of who I want to be.

I need You so.
You're my Everything.

Take all of me.

[braden]

currently listening to:
How He Loves -JesusCultureBand-

[stand firm]

2009-07-01T23:18:00.004-05:00

Today,
I felt like I was on the brink of something.
Something large.
Something incredible.
Something unknown.

I just have had this feeling
that God is gonna do something..
to rock my world.

I feel like
I'm on the Titan,
and right before you get to the very top
where all the excitement and what you've been waiting for
finally comes..
you're on this slow and long journey
from the absolute bottom.

And that's how I feel right now.
(if that made any sense)
But anyways..

Tonight I was reading in Hebrews
about Perserverence.

And in Hebrews 10.12,
it begins to talk about the beginnings of a believer's faith,
when you first find God.
When you're at this ultimate "Spiritual High"
and you're just ready to go out into the world,
ready to tell the Gospel to everything that had a pulse.
Whether they looked at you crazy or not..
You didn't care.

and after that,
there's this part,
that really touched me.
This part that brought encouragement.
A breath of fresh air.

"Sometimes you were publicly exposed
to insult and persecution, at
other times you stood side by side
with those who were so treated.

You sympathized with those in
prison and joyfully accepeted the
confiscation of your property, because
you knew that you yourselves
had better and lasting possessions."

Wow..the story of my "Spiritual High".
Summed up in two sentences.

"So do not throw away your
confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
You need to perservere so that
when you have done the will of God,

you will receive what he has promised."

Exactly what I needed to hear today.

Sometimes I just get so discouraged
that all this persecution,
and trying to live a holy life..
sometimes I just feel like..it's all for nothing..

It's just pain after pain..
Trial after trial..
with no end as far as I can see...

But what I have to realize is..
God can see further than I.

So I'll just buckle down yet another day,
I'll keep on this long and slow journey on this Titan.
Crawl forward with the weight of the world
barelling down on me..
I'll persist.

Because I cannot wait to receive God's promise.

People,
Perservere.

Stand Firm.

You just may be the encouragement
someone else needs.

[braden]

currently listening to:
I am Free -DesperationBand-

[calling]

2009-06-30T22:32:00.005-05:00

Today,
I found a place.

A place where I'm scared.
A place where I've lost control.
A place where I have no idea how to get out alone.
How to fix it.
Where to turn.
Where to go.
What to do.

And right now,
I'm there.

Right now,
when things are at their lowest.
When nothing seems to be going right.
When my world seems to be flying
inside my head at 1000 mph.
When I've lost control.
When I feel like giving up.
Quitting.
Running away.

All I can do is turn to God,
humble myself,
and say,
"I need You."

When I see the rushing wind,
feel the pouring rain.
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in.
I'm blinded by the lightning.

I hear that still,
small voice saying,

"It's okay you're not alone.
You may be scared to death
but I won't let you go."

And I may think the sky above is falling.

But I hear Jesus calling.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Jesus Calling -33Miles-

[over the sun]

2009-06-29T23:20:00.004-05:00

Today I realized..
I'm stupid.

Just when things are going great with me and God,
my stubborn soul turns to things that don't satisfy.

Possessions.
People.
Activities.
Things.

I don't know if I'm trying to run,
or if I'm just trying to fulfill what my flesh wants..
or most likely..both..

All I know is that when I'm done..
Everytime I come back..
I'm always left feeling empty.

I keep looking for things
under the sun to make me happy.
Everything under the sun..
meaningless things..

And for some reason I always turn back to them..

Oh my stubborn soul,
how I wish sometimes I
could cover it completely with God.
Letting none of the world's light shine upon it.
Protecting it from all evils.
Keeping it pure.
Keeping it focused.

I want to be done
spending my life on shiney gods
who leave me empty.

I want to say,
"I find no pleasure in them.."

I want to say,
"I find pleasure in my God."

I want I want I want...

I need God.

I hear Him.

"Get over the sun,
where Life is hidden."

[braden]

currently listening to:
You and I -Shane&Shane-

[holy]

2009-06-28T23:16:00.004-05:00

Alright so tonight,
I couldn't decide what to blog about..

I had a couple of options..
but they just didn't feel right..

I kept feeling like I'd have to
start adding stuff...
stuff not from the heart..
and put it in there to make it readable..

But I refused..
I want this to be authentic..
From the heart.

And so I laid my head back and just told God...

"Alright God, I'm laying down my agenda..
my thoughts for Yours.
Show me something.
Speak to my heart like you always do."

and I open my Bible..
and it lands in Phillipians..
and I search the page for something
that God was trying to say to me..

I didn't find anything..
and so I layed it down,
and returned to Facebook.

And as I let go of my Bible,
it shifted from the uneven weight
of the pages..

And it flipped to an unmarked,
unread section of my Bible..
1 Thessalonians.

I looked down..
Chapter 4: Living to Please God.

And so I started to read..

And it tells of how we are instructed to
live in order to please God.

More specifically,
Sanctification:

"Learn to control his own body
in a way that is holy and honorable.."

And as I read about how God wants
live..

I was thinking to myself..

"Geez, God pretty much doesn't allow
anything less than perfection..we pretty much just
have to be white as snow and pure every second of every day.."

And no lie,
right after I think this..
the next sentence reads:

"For God did not call us to be impure,
but to live a holy life"

Wow.
Talk about breath taking.

Not only did God just directly speak to me.

I finally understood what this whole "God's Grace" thing is..

I was amazed..
I was blown away.

That one simple sentence pretty much
tied the loose ends of Forgiveness in my mind.

God doesn't call us to be impure.

He knows I'm gonna fail.
He knows I'm gonna sin.
He knows there are times where my
heart is just gonna harden against Him.

He calls us to be Holy.

He wants hold me in his arms, when my soul cries out for Him when I fall.
He wants to see my everything fall to my knees when I sin.
He wants to be there to soften my lost heart when I turn back to Him.

I always thought God wanted us to be perfect.
No..
He knows that's not possible.

He wants to see us turn back to Him
once we discover our ways aren't
going to get us anywhere..

He wants to see us become Holy.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Give Me Your Eyes -BrandonHeath-

[unto others]

2009-06-27T00:00:00.001-05:00

Today,
I constantly thought about
what I was gonna put on this thing..
what God spoke to me today..

and honestly,
all day,
I came up with nothing..

I tried and I tried.
I drove home today
and just sat there..
and was like..

"God just give me something.
Anything."

And He painted a picture for me.
One of a man that I work with.

Lorenzo.

And I was confused why He brought
that guy into my head.

And as I sat there,
wondering the importance of that image,
God spoke to me.

You see,
Lorenzo and I..
aren't friends..
at all.

And he makes sure I know that.
And I've made sure he knows that.

And I have treated this guy..
like dirt sometimes.

And as I drove,
God just told me..

"Braden. What are you doing?
Why haven't you been the example
of the life, joy, and happiness I bring??

Do you think that by your actions
towards him, he'd think your a Christian?
Or do you think by your words towards him,
he'd want to be a follower like you?"

And immediately my heart sank.
What a failure I've been.

I've gone through my life,
knowing to be nice to people.
knowing to treat others with respect.

But what I got wrong was...

I acted like there were exceptions.

I've heard this verse since Bible school,

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

And almost 18 years later,
I have yet to live that up.

And even though treating Lorenzo as a friend..
May not be fair.
It may not be convenient.
It may not be easy.
It may not be socially correct..

But it's right.

And I bet if I looked around me,
there's alot of other people I treat
as "Lorenzo's".

[braden]

currently listening to:
You Are My King (Amazing Love) -Newsboys-

[sacrifice]

2009-06-26T23:58:00.004-05:00

Today I was sitting at home.
Watching one of the most incredible

DVD's I've ever seen.

The I Heart Revolution: With Hearts as One

And even though I've seen it
probably 5 times.

As I watched it today,
there was this one part,
this one section,
that today,
struck my heart.

It talked about
Worship + Justice
in church.

And that one cannot exist without the other.

And as it went on,
there was a man talking.

And as I listened to him,
he said something that I've been missing
in my Christianity all along.

He said,
"So many people think that
all the preaching
must come from the pulpit.

That's not true.

It comes from the lives of those
who follow Jesus."

And I thought.
Wow.
Why have I never thought of that?

Talking isn't going to show people God.
Talk is cheap.

My life is what should be doing the talking.
My example.

And when I thought of that,
my first reaction was..
Oh man..to completely sell out
and live a life of preaching..

Man that's gonna take sacrifice.

And then instantly I felt total shame
over what I had said.

Sacrifice.

Theres no sacrifice of mine
when I see Jesus dying on the cross.
For Me.

If Jesus died for me,
there's no sacrifice too big
for me to make for Him.

"You cant talk about worship
and sing to this loving awesome God..

if your life doesn't show
there's a loving awesome God."

How incredibly true.

Oh how I so completely wish
that my life was an example.
A mirror of God's heart.

But it's anything but..
It reflects only a
selfish sinner's heart.
Mine.

I want to be everything
God made me to be.
I want to live up to Him.

Live up to His sacrifice.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Take all of Me -HillsongUnited-

[nothing]

2009-06-25T22:54:00.005-05:00

Today,
I wanted to set things straight.

I am nothing.

I think one of the reason's that
God kept putting this weight on my shoulders,
was because I wasn't,
and would not,
humble myself before Him.

And that has always been incredibly hard for me.

People spit that word out alot.
"Humble"
As if it's actually done as easily as it's said.

I've always had this problem.
Humbleness has not been in my genetics.
It never has.

And God knows that.
He's been watching.
He's been listening to my heart.

And it's always hard..

People compliment me on my guitar stuff..
"Go me!"

People compliment me on this blog..
"Man I'm doin pretty awesome!"

And hardly ever
does it cross my mind...

I'm not doing anything.
It's God who's doing everything.

God deserves all the praise.

God deserves my praise for everything I do.
And everything I am.

But He never receives it.

And you know what's incredible?

Somehow He still calls me His child.

Day after day,
moment after moment,
I disown my God with my actions.

And day after day,
moment after moment,
my God beckons me to come
running back to Him.

How incredible.
How awesome is our God.

People,
These words are not mine own.

This pethetic excuse of language
is not coming from my heart.

These words.
These thoughts.
These actions.
These skills.

This everything.

Comes from a heart that deserves all praise.

God's.

I am nothing.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Open Skies -DavidCrowderBand-

[lay it down]

2009-06-24T23:40:00.004-05:00

I want to start today's blog
by saying

God is good all the time.

Today,
All day,
I just felt this weight of
just a heavy burden
laying on my shoulders.

So many things have been going on.

I'm trying to decide which church I belong to.
I'm trying to remain faithful to God.
I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life.
I'm trying to figure out what God's doing with my life.

I'm trying to make sure everything turns out right.

And before I sat down to write this...
I just asked God
"God, what am I doing wrong."

And He spoke.
"Braden, what are you doing?
You're trying to be me.

Let me take your burdens."

And right then,
I just laid everything at His feet.

My control.
My life.
My burdens.

And an amazing thing happened.

I found peace from it all.

God is so good.

"And we know that in all things
God works for the good of those
who love Him, who have been called
according to His purpose."
[romans 8.28]

You make all things work together for my good.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Your Love Never Fails -JesusCultureBand-

[boast]

2009-06-23T22:14:00.006-05:00

Today, I do have to say.
Was a pretty awesome day.

I got to spend alot of my day just in reflection.
In awe.
In worship.

I don't ever get to do that.
I'm always doing things.
This. That.
Entertaining people.
Working.
Socializing.

I never have time to just..

Be still.

And today I did.
Today I worshiped.

I dove into God's word.

I flipped pages.
Back and forth.

Reading.
Learning.
Glorifying.

I listened to
a live broadcast from the man
who spoke at the camp that
I first began my relationship with God at.
And it was awesome.

And I listened to songs.
I praised Him.

And as I was doing all this..
a song came on that I hadn't heard
in a long time.

It was simple.
There weren't many words.

But it said everything..

Everything my heart screams.
Everything that expresses God's Glory.

Everything that needed to be said.

There is none like You.
No one else can touch
my heart like you do.
And I could search
for all eternity long and find,
there is none like You.

And as I heard.
As I closed my eyes.
As I listened.

A smile covered my face.

How simple.
How pure.
How perfect.

God has always seemed
to find a way to show himself to me.
Each and everyday.

I just had to listen.

No one else can touch my heart like You do.

Not people.
Not things.

Nothing else

So people,
take pride in your
Possessions.
Shiney cars.
New computers.
Best friends.
Parties.
Sex.
Alcohol.
Money.

Do it.

And while you boast in your things,

I'll boast in my God.

[braden]

currently listening to:
There is None Like You -Shane&Shane-

[fall]

2009-06-22T23:12:00.005-05:00

Alright so tonight
I came to this crossroad..

One that I've been avoiding..
Taking all other turns..
Choosing to look the other way..
Running as fast and as far away from it as possible.

But tonight I met it.
Full force.

The crossroad that said..
This is it Braden.
Today's the day.
Now's the time.

It's all or nothing.

And I sat there.
I thought.

Most people call this
"The leap of faith."

No.

That's far too insignificant.
This is much greater than that.

This is a fall.

Either I say "Oh yea, let's do it"
and in the back of my mind
have doubt.
And fall on my face like I've done every time.

Or I say

"God I'm yours. Let my breath be Yours."
And I fall in full,
unfailing,
undoubted,
glorious faith.
And God's hands are there...
waiting like they always have been.

And I say it as if it's a no brainer.
But it's anything but.

Sure, option number one isn't ideal..
but it's safe.

People think I'm glorifying God.
People think I've got it together.
People accept me.
I just keep doing what I'm doing..
and I'm good.

or option number 2:

I get disowned by the world.
People persecute me.
People label me as an outcast.
I'm left alone, a miserable wretch on the earth.

But I find Life.

And so I asked myself..
this is it Braden.
Is it worth it?

Is it worth finding my life and lose it?
Or lose my life to find it?

Can I take persecution from my
Friends?
Co-workers?

Family?

And as I'm sorting all this out..
God's love never ever fails me..
He's been listening..

I thumb through my Bible..
And I flip to an unmarked page..
2 Corinth. 12.

And I see written in red.
"My grace is sufficient for you,
for my powers are made perfect
in your weakness."

and I read further down to when Paul is talking:

"That is why, for Christ's sake,
I delight in weaknesses, in insults,
in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.

For when I am weak, then I am strong."

And I got those feelings I've been longing for.
Closeness.
Fullness.
Happiness.
Those silly little chill bumps I get.

Perfect.

"For when I am weak, then I am strong."

And right then.
Right there.

I Fell.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Found -HillsongUnited-

[burn]

2009-06-21T23:01:00.005-05:00

Today was an awesome day.
I was genuinely joyous today living for God!

And I say that because..
well..
I've never done that before.

Through all the times I've called myself a "Christian"..
I can't recall ever going through my day as joyous
and thankful as I did today.

And it was awesome.

And one thing that was incredible about it..
Was that at work..
in the midst of the bustling servers,
the clanging sounds of plates,
the loud chatter,
where there is absolutely no talk,
thought,
care about God...

my voiced boomed the song
"Counting on God"

Now in no way am I trying to say "Go Me!!"
No...

Praise God!

He gave me the courage to do a simple silly thing
like sing a Christian song
in a place where before,
my faith was only known and shown by answering "Yes"
to the "Are you a Christian?" question.

Praise God!

He's doing so much in me right now!
I've never ever ever felt this close,
this complete,
this in love with God!

_______________________________

And last night, I read this incredible story in the Bible.
It's in Daniel.

It tells of 3 men:
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

And 1 king:
King Nebuchadnezzar.

So the story goes that King Neb. decides to make a gold statue of himself,
and he demands that, when flutes and trumpets, and all this music is heard,
that everyone immediately bow down and worship this gold image of him.
And if they don't, they will be immediately thrown into a firery furnace.

But then some of the kings "astrologers" come up to him and tell him that
there are 3 men who refuse to bow down and worship the image.
And so the king orders the 3 men to come see him.

Well, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego get thrown in front of the king,
and the king tells them that if they don't bow down and worship this one last time
they will be thrown into the furnace.

The king says:
"Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?"

Then, in a glorious and faithful reply,
the 3 men say:

"O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you
in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace,
the God we serve is able to save us from it,
and He will rescue us from your hand, O king."

And the next line.
The line that struck my heart.
The line that shows faith beyond anything I can comprehend..
The line that truly tested my Christian character...

"But even if He does not, we want you to know that we will not
serve your gods or worship the image of gold."

And that completely shook me.
That simple statement made me question who I was..

What if I had made this HUGE claim that God could do this miraculous act?
But didn't..

Would I remain faithful?
Would I still call God my Father?
Even though He didn't come when I wanted..
would I still follow?

and then it hit me..

What a selfish relationship I've had with my Creator.
That I wanted Him to do things for me..
and not do things for Him.
Wow..

"And even if He does not, we still won't bow."

What an incredible step of faith.

and I sat there..
staring at the words blazing in my Bible..
and I asked myself..

Would I say that too?

[braden]

currently listening to:
Hurricane -JimmyNeedham-

[everything]

2009-06-20T00:22:00.001-05:00

So I was driving home today from Waco.
And I kept thinking..
what in the world am I putting in my blog this time?

I mean I've just been driving pretty much.
Nothing inspirational really...
And literally 5.2 seconds later
a song comes on.

Everything by Lifehouse.

Now at the time..
I really didn't think anything of it besides
"Oh, I like this song."

But as the song progressed,
for this one time..
I actually payed attention to the lyrics
I soaked them in.
I twisted and turned the words through me.
I Listened.

Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel You
I need to hear You

You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again

And when I heard
when I actually listened to those words for the first time.

My soul just broke.
Shattered.

I've come to this point in my life
where God isn't just a convenience for me anymore.
Someone to turn to when things are bad.

I've come to realize
That in this crappy world,
Where Satan reigns...

I NEED God

I'm so tired of living for
Shiney gods here
who leave me empty.

I'm tired of turning to everything but God.
It doesn't make me happy anymore.

It never has.

I want my life to be so completely changed
that I don't lose this fire for God after just a few days
like it always does.
My soul cries for Your freedom.
I want those comforting chill bumps I get everytime I think of You.
I want Your voice to guide me through my every step of everyday.

God,
Your all I want.
Your all I need.

I'm so lonely.
I'm so broken.
I'm so empty.

My soul longs for you Jesus.
It needs you.

We need you.

You're Everything.
You're my Everything.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Your Love is Extravagant -Darrell Evans-

[worship]

2009-06-19T16:54:00.003-05:00

Today I thought.
I thought about a single word.

Worship.

What an incredible word.
One word,
One simple word that sums up life.

I sat down and thought about it.
What is worship?

I thought.

And as though God were beside me
Leaning over my shoulder.
Breathing life into my soul.
He whispered-

Worship is Life.

Wow.
How incredible.
Worship is Life.

I then turned to what that means to me.
My struggles.
My unfaithfulness.
My unworthyness.
Me.

When am I going to start living a life of worship?
Worship isn't going to church,
singing songs.
playing guitar.

We are the church.

My life should be the point.
The example.
The only reason for being:
Worship.

I sat and wondered.
When I step out of my front door,
When I go to work.
When I join with friends.

Am I worshiping?
Am I being the church?

I looked.
I searched.
I dove.

And my life...
Outside of Sunday's at church,
Outside of sitting at home with my Bible open.
Outside of being with my "Christian Friends"

Is anything but worship.

God I want to burn for you.
I want everything I do.
Everything I say.
Every thought that comes into my mind.

To be worship.

Worship is Life.

Life is simply summed up in that one word:

Worship.

And I want to be totally consumed by it.
That God breathes through every inch of my soul.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies
as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-
this is your spiritual act of worship.

-Romans 12:1

[braden]

Currently Listening to:
Yearn -Shane&Shane-

[the refrain]

2009-06-18T22:58:00.005-05:00

Wow.
I had so many ideas pop into my head about today.
But by the time work was over.
I forgot them..

...great.

And so I sat at my desk,
rested my head on my hands,
and asked for something.
Anything.
To be spoken to me.

And what I heard
was the simple name of a song:
Embracing Accusation
By Shane and Shane.

And a rainful of thoughts
came pouring down in my head.

Embracing Accusation

The Father of Lies
Coming to steal, kill, and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough.
I hear him saying,
"Cursed are the ones who can't abide."

He's right.

And right there.
That statement.
That one simple statement.

Defined me.

I don't deserve this..
I don't deserve anything.

Satan.
The Father of Lies.
Telling the truth.

I'm not worthy.

And it's never been so beautifully put.

Cursed are the ones who can't abide.

Beautiful.
Beautiful in it's Glory.
Glory to God
for redeeming my soul.

Which is anything but worthy.

I do things every day to bring shame to God.
My thoughts are unholy.
My lips are poison.
My tounge lashes out.

I am nothing.

And the Devil see's that.
He rubs it in my face.
I'm nothing.

He mocks me.
He brings me down.
He tempts me with worldly pleasure.

I am nothing.

He shouts at me of Galations 3:10 -
Cursed is everyone who does not continue
to do everything written in the Book of the Law.

Oh how he screams.
Shouts.
Spits.
Curses
at me.

"You're nothing Braden."

But as I lie in my corner.
Curled into a ball.
Nearly defeated by Satan's word.
Stomped to death by the song He continuously sings.

I look to Galations 3:13-
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law
by becoming a curse for us, for it is written,
"Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree."

And in a glorious instant,
Satan is defeated.

The Devil singing over me an age old song,
that I am cursed and gone astray.
And how right he is.
But oh how he forgets the refrain:

Jesus saves.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Beautiful -PhilWickham-

[the good]

2009-06-17T23:14:00.004-05:00

Alright, so today.
I thought and I thought
and I brainstormed.
And I came up with nothing for today.

Nothing...

And so as I sat down to try to begin to write this thing,
I sat down and was just like...maybe God's word will lead me somewhere.
God never fails.

I open my Bible,
flip a page.
It lands on 1 Corinthians
and I see at the bottom left hand corner, underlined:
"Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others."

And my mind whirled.
How true it is.
How false I've been living it.

...the good of others.

My first thought:
"Well yea! I'm good to others! I took my girlfriend on a date tonight! I took my mom on a shopping spree on her birthday! I visited my dad when I wasn't thrilled to, I did it all!"

Wow...that's what it's come to for me.
I did "stuff" for my loved ones,
and that was good enough.

And I mean sure,
I'm nice to people,
I usually don't act selfish..

But the good of others?
The good?
Why do I care?

Because although I don't act selfish
I am selfish.

I see a homeless man on the side of the street,
and don't give him any money on the assumption that he'll spend it on booze or cigarettes or something.

As if I'm any better.

I see commercials on t.v. talking about sponsoring a child from Africa
who literally digs through trash for food, and drinks filthy water,
and I sit on the couch, feel pitty and sorrow for a moment,
and then change the channel.
and get back to the dinner I'm having.

As if I'm any better.

...the good of others.

How often do we truly, honestly, humbly seek after the good of others?

I hear this one all the time:
"The first shall be last, the last shall be first."

When was the last time you and I were last?

I think it's about time we start living that.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Beautiful -JesusCultureBand-

[no one else]

2009-06-16T23:00:00.003-05:00

Today was one of those rare days.
I hung out with friends.
I don't do that very much anymore.
And I think I know why.

Most people think it's just because I have a girlfriend, and she somehow ripped me away from civilization.
But tonight, I realized that that is not it at all.

I think it's because as my relationship with God has become closer and more personal,
my appetite for the world has diminished.

As I sat around a table tonight with some of my good friends,
it hit me.
This doesn't make me happy anymore.
This doesn't bring the joy to me like it used to.
This isn't for me.

God is all I want.

And it's funny.
"Convieniently" the song I was playing in my car right before I got out to hang with my friends was "Look to You"

So I look to You,
So I look to You,
No one else will do,
No one else will do.

Pretty cool huh?
God was just showing me a quick reminder that, while hanging out with friends is fun and all,
it isn't my joy.
And so all night I kept singing the little
"So I look to You, so I look to You, no one else will do, so I look to You."
part.

Wow.
Sometimes it's pretty awesome to know that God cares enough about me to make sure I don't lose my focus on joining the world, and maintain my praise and joy towards Him.

God's awesome.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Look to You -HIllsongUnited-

[let it go]

2009-06-15T23:05:00.005-05:00

So it's gotten to the point where I'm pretty much thinking about what I'm gonna put on this thing all day..
hopefully this doesn't become unhealthy!

But today..actually recently..
I've been thinking a TON about what God want's to do with my life..
and I think the reason I think about it so much..is because it's so uncertain.

You see, my problem is..letting go.
Letting go of taking control of my life.
Letting go and handing my life 100% over to God and just saying "I'm yours"
It scares me!
What if I fail?
What if something goes wrong?
What if I lose somebody I love?

Recently, when I found out I was short on mission funding to Israel by $1000, I asked God.."Yea where are you now?? Why didn't you let funds become available??"

And then, in one beautiful moment that passes by, I realize that's what faith is.
Letting go of control, giving EVERYTHING to God and just saying

"Not mine, but Your will be done, Lord."

Taking the failure.
Taking whatever goes wrong.
Taking relationships lost.

And turning it into glorifying God.
And knowing God's plan is exactly so.

And a couple of days after finding out I had come short of funds, I was told that the Abuelo's staff had donated $1000 to my trip.
How perfect.

God knows what He's doing.
I'm just an idiot for trying to take control.

Praise God!

What do I love?
What do I hate?
What will I lose?
What will I gain?
How do I save my soul?
What if I bend?
What if I break?
What will it cost?
What will it take?
For you to save my soul.

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go.

[Let it Go-TenthAvenueNorth]

[braden]

currently listening to:
Let it Go -TenthAvenueNorth-

[witness]

2009-06-14T23:36:00.004-05:00

So today I went with my family to Beltway.
As I sat in my seat..half listening to David and half doodling on my bulliten making lunch plans..
he announced something about receiving a youtube video link of Penn from "Penn and Teller"..and I looked up from my bored glaze...knowing this was gonna be something good..a video of Penn (a VERY prominent and outspoken atheist) was about to be played in church.

something good...what a complete understatement.

"How much to you have to hate somebody to NOT proselytize..."

What an incredible statement.
What a time for a reality check.
An ATHIEST of all people had opened me to God's word.

I realized not only what an injustice it is to other people not to share eternity with them, I realized what a horrible crime against God it is to keep His love from other's! What am I doing??
I've become so convenienced in my "Christianity Bubble" that I've grown to become a coward against facing the world!

There's soooo many people I just want to reach out to and say "Listen, all this junk, all this sex, all this alcohol isn't what life's about! There's so much more...there's so much more joy in this life to be had. Here, let me show you."

...but I can't. I'm a coward. I don't want to "inconvenience you with religion" or "make things socially awkward". I'm afraid to step out of my comfort zone.

Wow...what a piece of work I am.
I've got a long way to go.

But I put all faith in God.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Hosanna -HillsongUnited-

[who am i]

2009-06-13T23:43:00.007-05:00

So it's only my second day...and I'm already realizing how much I'm gonna have to buckle down and really stay with this!
Man..good material just doesn't come everyday!

But I'll start off with who I am:

I am Braden Andrew Collum.
I was birthed on July 22, 1991.
Graduated from Wylie High.
I cannot stand when people list off their pet peeves or people's habits that annoy them as if they are any better[I think I might've just gone against what I just said]
I'm not a fan of plain colors (YOBRG)
Teal..I like teal.
I like music.
blah blah blah

Now who am I really?

I'm Braden.
I LOVE people.
I love life.
I think those who live life too serious, haven't found the joy in life worth loving it.

God is the most incredible influence in my life.
Conforming to the world is something I struggle with:

Daily
Hourly
Every second of every day.

I struggle with battling between pleasing my family//girlfriend//everyone else,
or pleasing [my God].
I struggle with -Envy-
I struggle with {lust}
I struggle with material gluttony
I struggle.

So why and how can I love life with all that going on?

Because I KNOW that [My Savior] gave His all that I might overcome.

[braden]

currently listening to:
Pleasing to You -DesperationBand-

[beginnings]

2009-06-13T20:52:00.000-05:00

beginnings.
so much to say so little time!

this things new.
this things awesome.

I CANNOT wait to share what God has been doing in my life!
and how I've been responding!

I've got alot to cover.
I've got alot of ideas!
Be back soon!

[braden]

currently listening to:
Embracing Accusation -Shane&Shane-