[the plank]

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust

in your brother's eye and pay no attention

to the plank in your own eye?

How can you say to to your brother,

'Let me take the speck out of your eye,'

when all the time there is a plank

in your own eye?

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of

your own eye, and then you will see

clearly to remove the speck from your

brother's eye."

[matthew 7.3-5]

It's been a while.

And I have been asked why my blogs have

not been kept to date.

That is why.

No cute words.

No fancy metaphors.

No trying to inspire people with pretty illustrations.

No acting like I'm deeply involved with my Creator right now.

Because I'm not.

And I'm not going to fake it.

"How can you say to your brother,

'Let me take the speck of of your eye,'

when all the time,

there is a plank in your own eye?"

I'm working on my plank.

I'm working on me.

Because I'm not alright.

And I'm not going to fake it.

[braden]

currently listening to:
[selah]

[Your love]

Today,
I searched,
thought,
and begged for inspiration.

Something to stir inside me.

And it never came.

It hasn't come for a few days.
That inspiration and desire has died down,
in ways that I always fear of happening.

That point where I'm just like..

I give up.
Nothings working.
I'm not feeling anything.

It's just not worth it today.

People have been anything but encouraging to me.
Everyone seems to be passing me by.
I seem to be passing them by.

Care seems to disappear.

There's been people who have brought me down.
Close people.

And I realize this.

Words are more powerful than people think.

But today,
right when I decided to give up.

When I came to this point of absolute
discouragement.

When I felt like just laying this away for later.
Laying any desire of caring to the side,
and living for myself,
make me happy.

Right as I breached the threshold
of casting Him away.

God reached me.

Just in time.

Your Love Never Fails

I was listening to music as
I passed time doing homework.

And a song comes on...

And unlike my reactions
to the songs that came on before it..

I looked up from the pages of my book,
and gazed upon the computer screen,
as if it were telling me a story.


When I am dry and thirsty Lord,
And I'm crying out for more,
I know I can trust in your love.
In the darkness in the night
When I'm starving for the light,
I know I can trust in Your love.


I think it's a special thing.

God connects to me through the thing
which I admire most in this world.

Music.
Lyrics.
Passion.

And it always seems to strike
the exact cord in my soul,
that needs to be awakened.

When I'm dry and thirsty Lord,
You bring me to water,
and fill me with Your spirit.

And I'm so empty.
So dry.
So thirsty.

Darkness consumes every step I take.
Temptation lumes all around me.
A judgemental being inside me bursts out.

Evil.
Hatred.
Impurity.

All consume me.

I am an incredibly selfish person.
You are an incredibly forgiving God.

And these things have held true,
when I have not.

I sin.
You forgive.
I fall.
You pick me up. Always.
I stray.
You bring me back.
I hate.
You love.

Your Love is Everything.

You keep no records of my sin,
You don't remember all my shame.

My everything.
You are.

"Come to me, all you who are weary
and burdened, and I will give you rest."


I need rest.



[braden]

currently listening to:
Your Love is Everything -JesusCultureBand-

[psalm 64]

Today,
as I wandered over the sidewalks,
as I forced my feet in front of each other,
as I trudged myself to another class,
my mind delved into my soul.

And as I scoped out the inner being of myself,
I realized that, through however long it has been
since I last pursued my God,
through the vast days I left him out of sight,
out of mind,

I had grown empty.

Thirsty.
Unsatisfied.

And tonight,
as I sat down to write,
I flip to Psalms.

And beg for encouraging words.
Something to fill me up.

And I find exactly what my heart has been screaming.

Hear me, O God, as I voice my
complaint;
protect my life from the threat
of the enemy.
Hide me from the consipiracy of
the wicked,
from the noisy crowd of
evildoers.

Shield me from a crushing world
that consumes me with
everything unholy.

Cover me.

They sharpen their tongues like
swords,
and aim their words like
deadly arrows.
They shoot from ambush at the
innocent man;
they shoot at him suddenly,
without fear.

I need You.
I am nothing against this world.

Hide me in Your shadows.

And I sit here.
Begging for protection.
For God to rescue me.

But it has already come.

God will shoot them with
arrows;
suddenly they will be struck
down.
He will turn their own tongues
against them
and bring them ruin;

All mankind will fear;
they will proclaim the works
of God
and ponder what He has done.

Let the righteous rejoice in the
Lord
and take refuge in Him;
Let all the upright in heart
praise Him!

I have nothing to fear.
My God has already protected my heart,
He has been here all along.

To turn hatred
to rejoicing.
Cursing,
to praising.

He shields my soul in His shadows.
Protects my being in His hands.

And I thank You God,
for everything You have done.

For everything You are.


[braden]

currently listening to:
You Belong to Me -GreyHoliday-

[being legit]

Wow...
Almost a month since my last post.
I've been so busy.
So incredibly busy.

But I think now that my schedual is slowing down
and beginning to resume to a normal pace
I think it's time to start this up again.

And I'm ready!

Today,
as I was walking between classes,
a faint whisper crossed my thoughts.

A whisper that woke up a part of me that I haven't thought about
in quite some time.

When am I going to be the center again?

I've taken a break from my God for way too long.

Through a trip to Israel, which my time was consumed
by seeing historical sites, and playing baseball with kids,
and losing 10 lbs. of sweat while walking around every day.

And between that and starting my first week of college.

I put God in the backseat.
To the side.
As if my life can somehow survive without Him.

I've missed my personal time with my God.
The closeness I once felt when I spent each night
reading, worshiping, growing closer, building a relationship,
and engaging with Him.
Oh how I've missed it.

And I realize how hard this is going to be.
Being in this whole new world of being on my own,
and at the same time, continuing my relationship with God.

I figured it would just somehow pull itself together like some sort of miracle.
Without a problem.
Without a hitch.
Without an effort.

How wrong I was.

For me,
I have this problem,
and I have probably said this before,
of conforming.

To everything.
Everyone.
Every idea.
Every action.

To people's idea of me.

I conform.

And this idea,
or I guess.."saying"
keeps popping into my head.

"You wanna be legit Braden?
Well then you gotta do this and this and this..
to be popular,
to be accepted,
to be cool,
to have the full "college experience."

Sex HAS to be a part of everyday conversation.
Cussing HAS to spew from my lips.
I HAVE to get crazy drunk and go to parties.

And people,
this is just 2 days into this college thing.

I guess I just thought I'd be protected by some
"spiritual bubble" since I'm going to a Christian school.
Like for some reason, HSU was going to single handedly
grow me closer to Christ.

But by the things I've seen and heard around campus,
that "spiritual bubble" and closeness with God,
is only to be found in
my own pursuit of Him.

And so I struggle with myself.

I don't want people to laught at me.

To mock me if I mention I follow Jesus.

To make fun of me because I won't conform
to the actions of my classmates.

I don't want to be insulted.

But you wanna know something pretty stinking incredible?

I open my bible tonight to actually read,
for the first time in who knows how long.

And I'm reading in Matthew.

And my eyes wander to words written in red.

"Blessed are you when people insult you,
persecute you and falsly say all kinds of
evil against you because of me.

Rejoice and be glad, because
great is your reward in heaven..."

And so what can I do,
but smile.

My God is completely faithful to me,
even when I'm not.

He's there to comfort me.
To show me that the world is not my own.
To hold me close when I get mocked,
talked bad about,
pressured.

You hold me now.

And so this question now comes to mind.

You wanna be legit Braden?

Try staying strong and shining your faith,
even when no one else's can be found.

If you do not stand firm in your faith,
you will not stand at all.
Isaiah 7:9

That's legit.



[braden]

currently listening to:
Tear Down the Walls -HillsongUnited-

[my world]

Today,
I finally had the chance
to get on the internet again.

(still none at the house..
which is the reason for the
lack of updates)

Tomorrow morning,
I leave the state,
the country,
to go on a journey to Israel
for two weeks.

A journey, by only God's grace,
have I been able to be a part of.

But here I am.

And I have no idea how I got here.
For who I am,
For who I've been,

I don't deserve it.

I don't deserve the opportunity
to travel halfway around the world
to share God's word with people
I would have never thought about meeting.

But for some reason,
He called me to do this.

And I am so ready.

When I began this process of preperation
a few months ago.
I talked to a friend of mine,
and she told me,

"Braden, this isn't a vacation.
This is going to rock your world."

And that is exactly what I need.
I need something that turns
my everything inside out,
and upside down.

And it's funny,
I've said this before,

But I can absolutely feel
that Satan is working
against everything.

Lately, my attitude
toward all this has been:

"Eh..yea I'm going to Israel...
ugh but that 30 hour plane ride is
NOT going to be fun..."

And now that I look back at it..
I can't believe how much I missed the point.

I am going to Israel.

And yet I'm complaining
about a plane ride?

Once again, my selfish soul
lashes against God's desire.

And Satan prevails.

But now as I look at it,
I can smile.

If the devil is tryin this hard
to distract me,

Something incredible
is about to come.

I don't know how,
and I don't know why,
but God chose me to go on this trip.

But my world?

I'm thinking it's
gonna get rocked.



[braden]

currently listening to:
Your Love Never Fails -JesusCultureBand-

[the rarity]

Today,
I went to go see a movie.

The Ugly Truth.

And as I sat in the theatre,
watching this film,
promote self-indulgence,
lust,
and sex,
I thought..

This is absolutely rediculous.

And I stared at the screen,
shaking my head.

How far we've come...
How far we've fallen.

You know,
and I could sit here,
type out a bazillion
Bible verses that speak out
against sexual immorality.

But it's not about that.

It's about wondering where
the people are to stand up against this?

Where are the people who will say,
"You know..this isn't right..and I'm not
going to act like it is."

Where are the people who stand up
for God's word?

Even me.

It's incredibly easy for me to sit behind
a computer, and type these things..
as if I'm actually doing anything about it.

But I'm not.

I sat there.
I laughed.
I conformed.
I accepted the world's view of how
life is supposed to be lived.

And what gets to me is that,
it's not about watching movies that are "bad"
and saying "Oh that's horrible."

It's about me actually LIVING God's word.

It's about a reality check for me..
"What am I doing about it?"

"How long until I stand up?"

And I sit here, and it hits me.

Being able to spit out verse after verse
against the sin of the world
is incredible..

But actually living a life against sin?

Oh how I wish my stubborn soul would.

Oh what a rarity.


[braden]

currently listening to:
Saved By Grace -Shane&Shane-

[delight]

Well,
for the past two days,
I haven't had internet at my house.

So my blogs kinda took a back seat.
But I decided that I would write this on
Word Pad tonight.
And somehow get it online.

I missed this.
______________________

Anyways,
tonight,
I stopped what I was doing.
I put down the guitar.
Put down the phone.
Turned off the lights.
Put on some music.

And opened my Bible.

I flipped around.
Back and forth.
New to Old.
Old to New.
And back again.

And I land in Psalms.

And in a scribbled underlined passage.
I find a verse that lifted me.
That brought encouragement.

Brought hope.

"If the Lord delights in a man's
way,
He makes his steps firm,
though he stumble, he will not
fall,
for the Lord upholds him
with His hand."

And I thought..

there's no way the Lord delights in me.
I'm nothing.
I'm Braden Collum.
The guy who sins every day.
Who goes against what God wants him to do.

The hypocrite.

And as I read that first part..

"If the Lord delights in a man's way..."

I wondered..

Does the Lord delight in me?
Am I trying hard enough to earn that?
Do I even deserve that?

And I realize,
that is the security I've been longing for.
That relationship is what my soul has thirsted for.
To be delighted by my God,
so that He may uphold my every step.

And though I may stumble,
stray,
wander,
and show my hypocratic being.

He would still be there for me
through it all.

More than anything,
I want to be my God's delight.


[braden]

currently listening to:
In Your Freedom -Hillsong-